


Texts: A window (of words) to the soul

by DefInitelyCanActuallyRead



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: Fluff, Gen, also there's language you wouldn't use in front of grandma, chapter 14 is redacted because holy crap that thing was dreadful, chapter 19 is kinda dark but its a one-off i promise, does this count as comedy, so sweet you could call it cotton candy, text conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-23
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2018-07-26 06:45:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 40
Words: 10,954
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7564243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DefInitelyCanActuallyRead/pseuds/DefInitelyCanActuallyRead
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Judy and Nick text each other. A lot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Before you begin reading this.
> 
> PartOfAWhole and I (well, mostly me, actually) have made a deal.
> 
> Step 1: Go check out his fic "Ferris Wheel".  
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7665820/chapters/17456041
> 
> Step 2: Don't suicide from how angsty it is.
> 
> Step 3: Read this stupid fluff to cheer yourself up.
> 
> Step 4: You're not dead.
> 
> Step 5: Go get a life and stop reading fanfics. Don't be like me. Do yourself a favor.

**1:26**

  


  
Hey there carrots  


Nick do you realize what time it is

  
I dont know  
I didnt check my phone  
Dont tell me I woke you up  
Are you also one of those freaks that actually sleep  


Youre so dumb

  
But you still love me  


Starting to doubt that

  
♥  


What was it you wanted to tell me at one in the morning nick

  
I cant sleep  


…  
Thats it?

  
Yeah  


Seriously nick

  
What  


You text me in the middle of the night  
Only to tell me you cant sleep

  
Are you saying I need to have a reason to text my best friend  


At one in the morning?  
Yeah

  
Want a reason?  
Have a reason  
I cant sleep  
And I need a lullaby  


Youre such an idiot

  
Carrooooots  


Nick stop  
Youre delirious  
Go to sleep

  
Pwetty pwease  


Nick  
No

Come oooon  
Your voice is just about the thing I need right now  


Oh my god fine

[Calling Dumb Fox...]


	2. Chapter 2

**2:04**

Hey

  
oh boy  
do i get a lullaby again  


No

  
do enchanted by taylor swine plz  


Nick i swear to god

  
why  
its a really cool song tho  


You know exactly what i mean

  
i dont have the slightest clue what youre implying  


Ugh  
Just please listen

  
is something wrong?  


I just had a nightmare

  
aww carrots  


Nick please  
It was horrible

  
:(  
tell me everything  


It was back in the museum

  
oh shit

Yeah i dont think i need to say much more

  
nope  


**A minute passes...**

You were laughing

  
omg  
D:  


I could still remember you cackling when i woke up

  
carrots  
remember it was just a dream  
i would never do that to you  


I know  
But  
It wasnt you  
It was the savage nick wilde

It all seemed so real

  
yeah dreams tend to look real

hey carrots  
about that  
finn told me about something interesting  


What was it?

  
when i told him about bellwether shooting me with the blueberry  
hmm  
could go for one right about now  


Nick  
please focus  
im curious now

  
yeah sorry  
so i told him about the serum that made mammals go batshit savage  
and he was all like 'eh its something about primal instincts' or some shit  
but then he said that he knew how much i care about you  


Aww nick  
♥

  
wait wait it gets better  
so i said  
'what does that have to do with anything'  
he told me about a primal instinct that makes predators 'keep things or other mammals they care about safe'  


Really?

  
he looked pretty serious to me  
so im like  
'i still dont know where youre going with this'  
and then he just looks at me  
and he says  
'i think savage nick wouldve protected the fluffbutt'

you should have seen his face  
you work with someone for years of your life  
youd think youve seen all the shapes their face can possibly take on  
he was looking so honest and sincere it was almost scary  


**Another minute passes...**

Nick

  
yeah?  


The next time i see you  
I will hug the fuck out of you 


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Slightly durdee talk in this one.

**23:14**

  
hey  


Hi nick  
It's a bit early for you to need a lullaby

  
i dont need a lullaby right now  
theres someone else at my place that needs putting to sleep  


Why are you texting me instead of doing that

  
i dont think you understand  
only you can do it  


What, is finnick having insomnia again  
You have to come to me for help  
Only because that guy refuses to take sleeping pills

  
no  
its not finn  
its someone else  
i dont think youve met him before  


Ugh nick, just tell me

  
(Picture of Nick in boxers. They're bulging.)  


NICK OH MY GOD

  
hes dying to meet you  


I CANT BELIEVE YOU  
IT WAS BAIT THE WHOLE TIME

  
its called a hustle sweetheart  


OH MY GOD NICK

  
dont even try to tell me you dont like it  


  
come on  


(Picture of Judy, no shirt, a little black bra. She's blushing.)  
I hate you

oh my  
that looks serious  
how about you come over so i can get a closer look at that  


That is just about the lamest pickup line in the world  
Even for you

  
its working tho isnt it carrots  
;)  


You are getting slapped so hard

**1:58**

carrots  
come back  
you forgot your panties


	4. Chapter 4

**22:57**

  
hey carrots  
i need your help  


Whats wrong this time

  
i lost updog  


What?  
Updog?

  
yeah  
lost it and i cant find it  


What is that?

  
what  
updog?  


Yeah what is it

  
its updog  


I know  
You said that  
But what IS it

  
its updog, carrots  
told you twice already  


Nick  
What is updog

  
not much  
you?  


I will fucking murder you 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couldn't help it.


	5. Chapter 5

**20:48**

  
Hey  


Hi nick  
Whats up?

  
I was going through my phone  
and i came across this note i made the other day  
and it reminded me that i wanted to show a song to you  


Ooh  
Music talk  
I love that

  
:D  
Do you know these guys called 'Too Many Zooz'?  


No  
What do they do?  
Electronic?

  
No  
Its really unique  
And cool  
[link to ZooTube]  


**[To the Top, by Too Many Zooz]**

Wow  
Its awesome!!

Knew youd like it

I love that trumpet

They made a whole bunch more

Ill get to that

Btw  
Do you not like electronic music?

I never really got to listen to much  
I grew up in an enviromnent all about bluegrass and the occasional pop  
Gazelle kind of stuff

Didnt know gazelle was popular with rabbits

Not liking those hips would be a crime for any mammal

I second that  
But hey  
Nows your chance to catch up with electronic music  
Drum'n'bass, dubstep and hardstyle are waiting for you

Those are some incredible names

Wait till you see the artist names  
Dubstep has just the funniest  
Like that dude called 'Skrillex'

'Skrillex'  
That can only be good

[link to ZooTube]

**[Kyoto, by Skrillex]**

Oh my god my ears

What do you mean  
You dont like it?

You do?  
You like that screeching?

Its badass

Well knock your hearing out if you want  
Im not touching dubstep again

Wait  
Give it another chance  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Black Hole, by SkisM & Trampa]**

Somehow i liked the screeching better

Then i guess drum'n'bass and hardstyle arent for you either  
Instead   
[link to ZooTube]  
Check this one out

Its not gonna make my ears bleed is it?

You should be fine

**[Losing Control, by Aviators]**

Oh wow  
Is this what the eighties were like?  
If so i was born a decade too late

You know what else was in the eighties?  
[link to ZooTube]  
The grandfathers of everything electronic

**[Electric Café, by Kraftwerk]**

That sounds cool

They are so amazing  
Since 1974

Whoa  
Electronic music is that old?

You little whippersnappers nowadays dont know how to enjoy proper music

Hahaha!  
Alright Gramps  
Its my turn now

Fire away

Do you listen to classical music at all?

Nah

Whaaat  
Not even a little bit?

Nah

Time to fix that cultural gap  
Judy Hopps Classical Music Starting Kit  
[link to ZooTube]

Better not be 20 minutes long

**[In the Hall of the Mountain King, composed by Edvard Grieg]**

The cymbal guy is having the time of his life

Hahaha!  
Yeah  
What do you think?

Its pretty fun  
Not as bad as i thought

See  
I told you  
Next one

Carrots

[link to ZooTube]  
Do it

Ugh  
Only cuz i love you

♥

**[Excerpt from The Blue Danube, composed by Johann Strauss II]**

Heard that one somewhere before

Its a classic in the classical genre

Ah

You really DO not listen to any classical music  
Ugh nick  
Where did your mom go wrong

...Low blow carrots

Im so unbelievably stupid  
Im so sorry  
I realized what i wrote when i pressed send

Thats fine  
I know you didnt mean it

You get one tug on my tail

Omg

ONE  
Take the time to think about how youll use it

Where your squeal will embarrass you the most

Good luck with that

Challenge accepted

In the meantime  
[link to ZooTube]

How big is that starter kit

Last one  
Promise  
Even though there are so many more you need to know

**[Rubric, composed by Philip Glass]**

It sounds weirdly cool  
But holy fucking god  
How do these guys play all those notes

You wouldnt believe how crazy fast some orchestra players' paws out there can get

Do they pleasure their ladies any better

You are such an idiot

Oh Judy  
How could you be so cruel and mean to me  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Sad Romance, composed by Ji Pyeongkeyon]**

Oh my god nick  
I actually just laughed out loud  
And i think the neighbors are complaining  
But you know what

What

I dont give a shit  
I love you so much

♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Music is my go-to discussion topic with anyone I meet.
> 
> Call me weird, but it's how I am.
> 
> Also, I encourage you to look up every song this one features, they're all awesome for their own reasons!


	6. Chapter 6

**01:14**

Hey

Hey  
Cant sleep either huh

Bored shitless  
Im so tired  
Why am i not sleeping if im tired

Sometimes life likes to fuck you over  
Just like i do  
Except not the “over” part

Dork

Your favorite dork

Lets do a sentence one word at a time

Okay  
You start

I

Would

Like

To

Do

You  
Nailed it

Dammit nick  
Again  
You start

You

Are

The

Best

Metermaid  
Nailed it again

Fuck you nick 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just love doing these.


	7. Chapter 7

**22:10**

[link to ZooTube]

What is this

Synthwave IS awesome

**[Queen of Aerobics, by Quasars]**

Oh yeah  
I love that one

That little guitar is the best

Btw  
Now that were doing this again  
Give dubstep another burl

Ugh

Trust me carrots  
Dubstep has a bunch of subgenres

Oh boy  
Can you tell im so excited

Dont lie to me  
If you were i could probably smell it

Har har

Alright  
Here we go  
First up  
Melodicstep  
[link to ZooTube]

Ridiculous name

**[Love is in Bloom, by Six of Lasers]**

What the hell is that song about

A little girl's show  
Starring technicolor ponies

Why do you know that

The internet is a crazy place  
What do you think of the song?

Its definitely better than the highpitched screeching from the other day  
I might even say i like it

Awesome  
Next  
Do you like reggae?

Are you kidding  
I love reggae

[link to ZooTube]  
Then this one has a chance

**[Make it Bun Dem, by Skrillex and Damian “Jr. Gong” Marley]**

Oh  
That skrillex guy again

Come on  
Listen to it

Doing that  
And it actually sounds decent  
Even that screeching sounds cool  
Weirdly enough

I love it personally  
Next up  
A song thats awesome  
But i have literally no idea what kind of genre it is  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Gunmetal Black, by Varien]**

Okay  
This song is really confusing to me  
But it sounds really cool  
With the fact that the word 'melodicstep' is a thing that exists  
Id say something among the lines of  
Oriental metalstep

Omg carrots  
Thats exactly what it is  
Gotta write that down before i forget  
Done  
Next up  
Experimental dubstep

What do you mean its NOT called 'experimentstep'

[link to ZooTube]

**[Dire, by Bare Noize]**

This is interesting  
I love it

Modern music is funny  
Next up  
Dubstep with some melody but not quite melodicstep  
[link to ZooTube]

Ill be the judge of that  
Im basically a melodicstep expert

**[Isis, by Seven Lions]**

That one sounds awesome  
Also that is a pretty cool artist name

Ikr  
The funny thing is  
Its just one mouse

Hahaha!  
Guess he wants to dream big  
No pun intended

Id say that deserves a tug on the tail

No  
Shut up

Come on  
It wasnt that bad

In the middle of Bogos speech?  
Are you serious?  
That was humiliating  
You werent there to see the looks i got from the others

Oh thats right  
I was too busy laughing my ass off

Fuck you

Gladly  
But first lets set the mood  
With some pornstep

Youre joking

Absolutely not  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Pornstep, by Dodge & Fuski featuring the Highbury Whores]**

Why am i feeling hot  
And why the fuck did i just tell you that

Because you trust me with all your heart and body and soul  
But this time  
Especially body

Nick

What  
Is it not true?

I fucking hate you  
You deviant handsome fucking douchebag  
Im coming to your place right now  
You better prepare a good fucking excuse so i dont rip your knob off

We both know you would be just as affected as me if i were to lose my dick  
Also  
[link to download Pornstep]  
To make sure you dont cool off by the time you get here

Nick i swear to god 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright, no joke? 
> 
> While I was writing this, I was listening to music on shuffle in my iTunes library. I was typing in [Pornstep, by Dodge and Fuski]... 
> 
> And right at that moment. GUESS WHAT SONG FUCKING STARTS PLAYING.
> 
> MOTHERHUMPING "PORNSTEP".
> 
> I CAN NOT BELIEVE.
> 
> WHAT WERE THE ODDS.
> 
> Also, "Isis" by Seven Lions was made way before the Islamic State was as much of a big deal. I personally renamed it to "Anubis".


	8. Chapter 8

**22:18**

Hey

Sup

I think LeLoup is high again

Another boob pic huh

You know it

Care to share?

Youre the worst  
(Picture of a female wolf, lifting her shirt, and winking at the camera.)

Holy moly those knockers

Thats the third one in two weeks  
I think shes hitting on me

I can feel the 3-way from here

Youre the absolute worst  
Besides  
I dont even think shes into dudes at all

Maybe not  
But you know what I heard from Clawhauser?

Shoot

There might something between Fangmeyer and Delgato

Oh my goooood  
Thats so cute

I never noticed  
But as soon as he told me  
It became so obvious  
The little laughs  
The teasing

Holy crap youre right  
Oh my god I love this kind of stuff  
Now that I think about it  
Hasnt Volkovitch been an awful lot closer to Howlitz lately

I dont know  
Didnt pay attention to them  
I was too focused on gazelles rejected backup dancers

Thats so mean

Think of it as something positive  
Do you prefer dancing with a world-famous popstar  
Or make sure that world-famous popstar has a world to be famous for?

Good point  
They do have the build tho

Fangmeyer is definitely bottom

That reminds me  
Please tell me Im not the only one that noticed how bubbly Clawhauser gets around Bogo

Thats just how he always is

No but I mean  
Seriously bubbly  
Even more than usual

You cant be serious

I swear theres something

Needs further investigation if you ask me

Cant be hard  
A few questions  
And he will snap like a twig

Whoa carrots  
Thats very dark

Im sorry  
What I meant to say  
Is that Clawhauser isnt very good at keeping secrets  
So if we barely press him  
He will confess super quick

Like a cheetah  
Omg  
Imagine fit Clawhauser

Thatd be weird  
Clawhauser needs to be big and chubby and huggable

Youre right  
The Chubs must be protected

Ill buy him a box of donuts  
And let him fangirl all over Bogo

Hes gonna be so confused

**A minute passes...**

LeLoups pic is kinda hot tho

So are you Carrots  
Dont you ever forget it  
Youre one sexy bunny  
♥  
Im sorry  
Can you tell im very tired

Thats fine  
(Picture of Judy topless. She's sticking her tongue out, with a wink.)  
♥ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ermahgerd gersserp


	9. Chapter 9

**19:42**

Carrots

Yeah?

Holy fuck  
Check this out  
(Picture of a white striped rabbit in a black shirt and white bowtie.)

Omg  
Hawt  
Who is that

A guy I literally ran into  
Said his name is Jack Savage  
Gave me his number

Hes beautiful  
Cant wait to meet him

Nuh-uh, sweetheart

What?

Hes mine

Nick  
You cant do that to me  
You cant just tell me you hang out with the male of the century  
And tell me I cant even get to meet him

Youll only try to steal him from me with your stupid sexy bunny body

Maybe I will  
Maybe I wont

Stay away  
Hungry bunny

Niiick

From my cold dead paws

Niiiiick

Nope

(Picture of Judy, a sad pout on her face.)

No

 

Omg fine  


♥

That face is seriously not fair  
But im not done  
The war for the stripes has begun

Come at me

*in

OH MY GOD NICK 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My JudyXNickXJack headcanon took over my mind and hands and wrote this.


	10. Chapter 10

**23:57**

Hey

Sup

You still at work?

Yeah  
This mountain of files keeps stacking up for some ungodly reason  
What about you  
You seem to be having trouble falling asleep

Ive counted to fucking 238 sheep  
Im so sick of those woolly assholes

Now now carrots  
What would bellwether think

I dont give half a shit  
I just want to sleep  
Or do anything besides just laying in bed doing literally nothing

Isnt that exactly what sleeping is

Nick  
You know what i mean

I knew you hated to waste time  
But jesus girl  
Theres a reason everyone goes to sleep at night

And that is  
What exactly

Because literally nothing happens  
Cuz everyones asleep

Nick  
Theres so many things that are wrong about that logic  
Youre lucky im tired  
I could be working on that robbery case  
Or that other one  
Or anything

Carrots  
Alright  
Grab that one pillow i use

Way ahead of you

It should still smell like me

It does ♥

Cool  
Now picture this  
That pillow is me

Ooh

Now close your eyes  
And snuggle into that pillow just like you would if it was my handsome self

Sounds good  
Thanks for the advice  
Good night ♥

Good night carrots ♥  
Ill see you tomorrow

**00:21**

All your advice did was make me horny  
Hurry up and come over

I said tomorrow

It is tomorrow

Goddammit carrots


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: THIS ONE GETS PRETTY DAMN GRAPHIC. MY JACKxJUDYxNICK HEADCANON IS GETTING OUT OF CONTROL.
> 
>  
> 
> I am very sorry about this.

**21:36**

Hey carrots

Hey nick

Guess whos with me

Yo mama

…  
Really carrots?

I dont know  
Who

(Picture of Nick, and the striped rabbit. They're both shirtless, smirking at the camera.)

Where is the party happening and why was I not invited

(Picture of them kissing.)

Oh my fucking god

(Picture of them smiling at the camera, mouths open, tongues hanging out.)

Nick  
Stop teasing me right now

My place  
Hurry on over  
(Picture of the striped rabbit's butt in boxers, Nick's paw squeezing it.)  
Before theres nothing left of him  
♥

On my way  
You better get ready

**21:44**

(Picture of Nick's butt in boxers, a white paw resting on it.)  
Come on, Judy. You're missing out. ;)

Stop it Jack  
Im on the bus

**21:50**

(Picture of them both, laying in bed, this time completely nude, suggestive smirks on their faces.)  
We're waiting, Judy.

One more and ill melt right here in this bus seat  
So please dont

**21:58**

In your street right now

**22:01**

Coming up  
Get ready

**01:47**

Carrots  
Heres that picture  
(Picture of the three of them, laying naked on top of each other. Judy is in the middle.)

That was so incredible  
You two are the best  
♥

Jack says he has no problem with doing it again soon

Good  
Neither do I  
And I dont suppose you do

Absolutely not  
♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just kidding, I'm not fucking sorry.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: LOTSA SWEARIN' IN THIS ONE.

**01:33**

Heyyy

Oh boy  
Three y's at one in the morning  
That can only be a good sign  
Hey nick

can you come pick me up plz  
i am so piss drunk right now  
and i need your fluffy butt

Nick  
We talked about this  
You know I hate it when you get drunk alone

wasnt alone  
finn was here  
he had to go

Thats not better nick

plz come  
i think its gonna rain soon

Nick  
This is the last time I pick your drunken ass up off the street

thx ♥

Where are you

the vulpine vortex

**07:36**

Carrots?

Fuck you  
Leave me alone

Carrots please  
Open the door

For the last fucking time  
Leave me the fuck alone

Please  
I didnt know what I was doing

You threw up on my shirt  
Then kissed me  
Then laughed like it was the funniest fucking thing

Judy  
I'm sorry

Go away  
Or Bogo will hear from this

Please  
Open the door

Fuck off

Please

GO THE FUCK AWAY  
OR THE ONLY REASON I OPEN THIS DOOR  
IS TO KICK OUT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR TEETH

**A few seconds pass...**

Okay  
I'll go  
See you later

Go eat a bag of horseshit

**20:56**

Hey.  
We have a lot to talk about.  
Get over here.

**23:02**

Thank you again carrots

Holding grudges is not how I intend to make the world a better place

Not even against a big dumb fox who threw up on you?

Never against my big dumb fox ♥

Youre too good for this world

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was relatively painless
> 
> But it was dirty
> 
> And not the good kind of dirty
> 
> Ech


	13. Chapter 13

**18:44**

Hey Carrots

Hey

Guess whos with me

If its your dick again i swear to god

Come on  
Try to guess  
You have three tries

So its not jack?

Nope  
Come on  
Three tries

Uh  
Mrs Otterton?

Nope

Uh  
Idk  
Lionheart?

...Hes in jail

I have no idea  
Your mom?

I cant tell whether or not that is a yo mama joke  
But nope

Then who is it, dammit

(Picture of Nick with a very wide toothy smile giving a thumbs-up.)  
(Gazelle is standing next to him. She's giving a small wave, smiling.)

HOLY FUCK

She says she wants to meet you too

ILL BE RIGHT FUCKING THERE

**23:02**

Hey Carrots  
Guess what

What is it "Zootopian hero" ;)

Yeah  
About that  
No fucking joke  
(Picture of Nick, holding up a pair of pink antelope-sized panties, reading the word “Gazelle”.)

OH MY FUCKING GOD  
YOURE KIDDING ME

Absolutely not  
She forgot her fucking panties  
What is it with women forgetting their panties at my place

Hey nick  
Do me a favor  
Wrap those up  
Im coming back to get them

Carrots  
Youre fucking gross

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gazelle had to be super thankful for those two after the whole Night Howler debacle. Who _knows_ what she'd be ready to do with all that **gratitude.**
> 
> Also, please don't ask me what it is with me and making female characters forget their underwear at Nick's place. I don't know either.


	14. THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REDACTED

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REDACTED**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REDACTED**

**THIS CHAPTER HAS BEEN REDACTED**


	15. Chapter 15

**23:01**

Heyyy

Oh no  
Three y's

Im only slightly buzzed nick  
Seriously  
That almond liquor is killer

How do you like that  
It smells like anti-lice shampoo  
And tastes like cough syrup

What are you talking about  
Its delicious

Whatever you say carrots

Hey nick  
Can I ask you a favor

Lets hear it

Ive always wanted to take a naked car drive through the night

…  
What?

You see what I mean?  
Like  
Naked  
Through the citys nightlife  
Doesnt it sound exciting?

Carrots  
How many bottles of that cough syrup did you drink

Niiick  
Im not that drunk I promise

Carrots

Please?

CARROTS

Pleaaaaaase?  
(Picture of Judy's pouting face.)

Oh my fuck  
Fine

Yaaay!

That face  
That face should be illegal  
So what do I do  
Do I just strip naked and happily strut outside to my car?  
Like its the most normal thing to do?

You could also go to your car  
And get naked inside  
Your cars windows are tinted too, right

Dammit Carrots  
The things I do for you

**01:42**

Hey carrots

Yeah

I can still not believe we did that  
It was actually pretty sexy

I knoooow  
Lets do it again ASAP

With the windows open

You dirty fox ♥ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked this product of this little "naked nightly car ride" kink of mine.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this headcanon where Nick knows a lot of different languages.

**23:14**

Bonjour, Nick!

Eh?

Comment ça va?

Carrots  
Why exactly are you speaking french to me

I dont know  
Its just fun  
Its a whole other language  
Do you not understand it?

Bien sûr que si  
You dont think this sly fox wouldnt try to profit from the tourists that regularly visit Zootopia  
Do you

What was I thinking  
Of course you would  
Wait  
Does that mean you and LeLoup could actually hold a conversation in french?

Been there  
Done that  
Its really a shame shes more into girls

Ikr  
Suuuch a shame

Screw you carrots  
Besides  
I dont think shes into interspecies either

She does regularly send me boob pics

True  
Shes probably high as a plane when she does tho

Probably  
Anyway  
Do you know any other languages?

Natürlich, was glaubst du  
Soy un zorro polifacético

My god nick  
Why did you never tell me you spoke all those languages  
Its awesome

It never came up  
And I didnt think you would enjoy it

Hey nick  
Swear plz

Carrots

Pleaaaase

Fine  
Uh  
What should I say

“You're a fucking idiot” in german

Du bist ein verdammter Idiot

“Asshole”

Arschloch

That is one uglyass word

German is not an aesthetically ideal language

OH  
“Sly fox”  
In all three

Schlauer Fuchs  
Zorro listo  
Renard rusé

That last one is sexy

Dummer Hase  
Connero bobo  
Lapin crétin

Thats “dumb bunny” right?

Right you are  
You not-that-dumb bunny

How come you know all those languages

A magician never reveals his tricks

Niiiick

Im going to bed  
G'nite ♥

Niiiiiick

 

Nick?

 

NICK

**08:36**

Good morning carrots

Goddammit nick 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to comment! They're what keeps me going.
> 
> Tell me I'm pretty.
> 
> Or roast me. Hard.
> 
> Or both.
> 
> Actually, ideally, both.
> 
> Just make sure you're creative.
> 
> I **love** creative insults.


	17. Chapter 17

**23:47**

Hey

Sup

What do you call a happy rabbit

Ugh  
I dont know

A hop-timist

I have no idea how I managed to survive that joke

Wait  
Dont die yet  
I have plenty more  
Why did the bunny buy a house

I dont know

She was getting tired of the hole thing

Carrots  
Stop it  
Youre driving me hopping mad

Wow

Cant outjoke the joker carrots  
Btw  
I have a knock-knock joke  
But you have to start it

Alright  
Knock-knock

Whos there

...  
Nick

Yeah

Can you do me a favor and never talk to me ever again 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> imsosorry
> 
> (little short one before I get to work on a music talk :D)


	18. Chapter 18

**22:03**

Hey carrots

I thought I told you never to talk to me again

I think youll want to hear this tho  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Crystallize, by Lindsey “Stirlynx” Stirling]**

Holy shit  
That violin sounds awesome

She made another one like that  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Elements, by Lindsey “Stirlynx” Stirling]**

Oh my god  
These are amazing

I only just realized I needed to show them to you

Thanks nick  
Youre forgiven

Was only a matter of time  
I know you love me

Yes I do  
Dammit fox  
Why did I have to be foolish enough to fall for you

The same way I fell for the dumb bunny that changed my life ♥

Aww ♥

Anyway  
Im pretty sure I just got diabetes from how excessively sweet that was

Btw  
I came across an awesome song the other day  
Wrote it down and forgot about it until now  
[link to ZooTube]  
I think youll like it

**[Dregs of a Bitter Cup, by Makkon]**

I know that one  
Its fucking amazing

I knoooow

But you know whats even amazing-er  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Dregs of a Bitter Cup, by Makkon, remix by ArtAttack]**

Oh my god  
How did anyone allow that massacre to happen

Come on  
Its just dubstep

You dont just remix orchestral music  
And besides  
Even at dubstep scale  
It just sounds goddamn messy

What are you talking about  
Its awesome  
Also  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Deae Lunae, by Makkon]**

Thats beautiful

[link to ZooTube]

**[Deae Lunae, by Makkon, remix by F3nning]**

Ugh  
Seriously  
Remixes are the worst

Not all remixes are dubstep tho  
This one  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Hello Seattle, by Owl City]**

Sounds cool  
I like that guys stuff

Well look  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Hello Seattle, by Owl City, remix by Owl City]**

Okay yeah  
That ones cool  
But seriously  
Theres some things you just dont touch

You should view a remix as a tribute  
Like a way to show that you enjoy the song

Meh  
Ill do that later  
Maybe

I know you carrots  
Ill convince you eventually

Well see about that  
In the meantime  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Fiddlesticks, by Radiarc]**

Okay no joke  
Those violins sound sick

Im so glad you like it  
Im pretty sure its my favorite orchestral song out there

OH  
I went back and looked up Quasars  
The guy that made that one synthwave song you sent

Yeah  
“Queens of Aerobics”  
Awesome name btw

Yeah  
Well  
Check this one out  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Turbo Boy, by Quasars]**

Oh my god those guitars

I LOVE this one

Im getting very tired tho  
I think ill go to bed

Wait  
This one will help  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Moon, by LeMMiNO]**

What do you think?

Carrots?

Sorry  
I dozed off  
That song is really relaxing  
Thanks for that nick ♥

G'nite carrots ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lindsey Stirling finally makes a well-deserved appearance, check her out! (along with every other song featured, as always!)
> 
> Also, thanks for 100 kudos! :D I'm so glad you guys like this little concept of mine.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a heads-up, this chapter is very different; it's got actually some plot, darker themes, but it still does have fluff.
> 
> Enjoy!

**21:41**

Hey Carrots  
Guess what

**21:50**

Carrots?

(Picture of Judy. She's tied up on a chair. Her hang is hanging low, she seems unconscious.)  
(A gun is pointed at her from the perspective of the mammal holding the camera.)  
I want my brother out of prison  
If you manage to find me  
I plant a bullet through her skull

**22:36**

Snoutson  
Can we talk?

Is Mark free

Not yet

Then stay away  
Or Hopps gets it

Okay  
But I need to talk to you

I dont want to talk  
I want to see my brother out of prison  
Hes innocent  
He never would kill anyone  
Why would everyone believe that liar of a beaver

He'll be free in due time  
But I need you to stay lucid  
Hopps has nothing to do with this

No  
But apparently it gets you other assholes moving

Snoutson  
We don't want to believe your brother killed anyone either

Then why hasnt anyone done anything about it?!

We have all been working super hard  
But you need to understand that this is getting really difficult not to file as closed  
The beaver's alibi is solid  
There's a witness

WILDE STOP  
IM GONNA KILL HER  
SHUT UP  
SHUT THE FUCK UP

**22:58**

Snoutson?

Is he free

Not yet

Im running out of patience  
If hes not out of there by midnight  
She dies

Snoutson  
You dont have to do this  
Please be reasonable

I was reasonable enough for the week my brother has been in jail for a crime he didnt commit  
While none of you fuckers did anything

Snoutson please  
You need to realize we also want to get him out

Why isnt Bogo doing anything  
Hes the chief  
He could easily decide to get him out

He doesnt have that power

Then get whoever does have it to actually do it  
(Picture of Judy. She's still tied to the chair, chin up.)  
(The gun is being pressed against her lower jaw.)  
(Her face is frozen in fear, her fur is stained with a flow of tears.)  
Or she dies

**23:14**

I convinced Bogo to call the mayor

What did he say  
Is he gonna let him out

Wilde  
Answer me

He said he needed time to think

Thats bullshit  
Thats political talk for 'when I fucking feel like it'

Snoutson  
Give us some time

Im gonna kill her Wilde  
I swear it  
Get my brother out of jail  
Or she fucking dies

**23:47**

Time is running out Wilde  
Is he free

Snoutson  
I beg you  
Dont do this

What are you gonna do  
Cry?  
Thats a damn fucking fine Zootopian hero  
I dont need your fucking tears Wilde  
I need my brother out  
(Picture of the gun being pressed against Judy's temples. She's crying.)  
Now

**23:53**

Snoutson please

Is he free

Snoutson  
I implore you

You have seven minutes

**23:57**

Three minutes  
And she dies

**23:58**

She will die Wilde  
Because you didnt do anything

Snoutson  
No  
Please

I will kill her Wilde  
Hopps will die

**23:59**

Its over Wilde  
Ill join my brother in jail after I kill you all  
Starting with her

Please  
I beg you  
I implore you

Say goodbye to Officer Fluff

**00:00**

NO  
SNOUTSON  
PLEASE  
DONT DO THIS

**07:58**

Thank you again Nick  
I dont know how ill ever be able to thank you enough

I was only doing my job

Stop being so modest  
Its not like you

Im so happy youre okay

Thanks to you  
Youre a hero  
Dont let anyone tell you otherwise  
♥

**08:01**

I never thought id ever need to kill

Nick  
He was insane  
He was gonna kill me  
You had to choose between me and him

And I know youre not ready to die

Nick  
You are my hero  
From the bottom of my heart  
Thank you  
And I love you  
All the way to the moon and back again  
♥

I love you too Judy

Whoa  
You called me judy

Come on carrots  
Im not in the mood to be bullied

Im sorry

Its fine  
Now  
I think ill go have a heart attack

Have a good rest

Thanks carrots  
See ya later ♥

Bye ♥ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This idea just came to me, and I had to write it.
> 
> It's MUCH different from what I usually make in this fic.
> 
> More fluff comin' your way maybe probably soon.


	20. Chapter 20

**22:59**

Carrots

Yeah

I need a quick dose of bunny right now  
Can you send me a pic of you like you are right now plz?

Sure  
(Picture of Judy, laying in bed.)  
(There's a tired, but gentle smile of her face, she's holding her paw up in a greeting posture.)  
I hope thats good enough for you  
Cuz its all youre getting

Perfect  
Just the right amount of adorable  
♥

I appreciate the compliment  
But where did that come from

Dunno  
Sometimes I get a craving for some cute bunny

Youre such an idiot  
Im also gonna want something in return  
AND BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING  
If you send a nude  
Ill cut your tail off

Fine  
Your loss  
;)  
(Picture of (clothed) Nick. He's laying in bed, smirking, giving the camera a thumbs-up.)  
(He's hugging a gray bunny plushie.)

Hey  
Whos that bitch

Her name is Judy Junior  
Shes my new favorite

Noooooo

I cant even joke about that  
Youre my alltime favorite  
Irreplaceable

D'aww nick  
Youre adorable

I have no idea what youre talking about  
Im only a sly fox

No nick  
Youre more than that  
Youre also dumb

Thanks carrots ♥

Dont mention it ♥ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BOOM, TOLD YOU I'D MAKE UP FOR THE LAST ONE WITH INCREDIBLY EXCESSIVELY SWEET FLUFF.


	21. Chapter 21

**23:08**

Hey carrots  
Im bored

Count the bellwethers

Eh  
One is more than enough

Snuggle with Judy Junior

Tried  
Didnt help

I dont fucking know

I just got an idea

Wondrous  
Does it involve you letting me sleep?

Nope

Ugh  
Fine you big stupid fox  
You buy the coffee tomorrow morning

Deal  
Now  
Would you rather

Oh god

Go to jail for life  
Or get the death sentence

Oh wow  
Thats a tough one right off the bat  
Uh  
I think the death sentence

Really?

Cuz honestly  
If im gonna be in there for the rest of my life  
Might as well die quick

Makes sense actually  
Would you rather  
Listen to constant brutal metal  
Or constant Justin Beaver

Metal  
No hesitation  
Fuck that guy

Im glad we share that opinion

I have a good one for you

Shoot

Would you rather  
Shave your entire head  
Or shave your tail

Oh god  
Carrots  
Thats vicious

Come on

Shit  
Uh  
I think id go with the head  
Cuz then youd still have something fluffy to cuddle with

Aww niiick  
♥

Made me appreciate how soft and fluffy my tail is  
It even somehow smells like you  
Ill try to snuggle into that  
G'nite carrots ♥

Good night nick

**23:47**

God that smell turned me on

UGH NICK

Pretty pleaaaaaase

Fine  
Get it lubed up

Damn carrots

I feel like going Wilde Style

DAMN CARROTS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No need for any damn flower for Judy to get **savage.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  ** _WARNING_** : This one covers the very tough subject of rape.
> 
> SPOILER ALERT, no actual rape happens, it's all only spoken about.
> 
> With that said, read on.

**21:45**

Hey carrots

Hey

I have a question  
Promise me you wont get upset

Depends  
Knowing you  
Dumb fox  
But shoot anyway

Have you ever been sexually harassed?

Thats a weird question to ask

Im sorry

No its fine  
I was just a bit surprised  
And to answer it  
No I have not  
At least not without beating the shit out of the guy

...So you have?

Well  
Technically yeah  
If touching my butt and trying to get away with it counts as harassment

Wasnt me was it?  
Cuz im definitely guilty of that  
Please dont beat me up

Of course not  
Its actually funny to think that  
One of the two mammals I trust enough to touch my butt is my natural enemy

Rawr

♥  
But anyway  
No ive never been sexually assaulted

Okay

Why do you ask?

Im not exactly sure

Is it because of that brown bunny story?

I think so yeah

Thats good  
It shows you care for others  
Youre a good and caring mammal at heart

Thanks carrots ♥

And also  
If its of any interest to you  
She actually contacted me

Youre kidding me

Nope  
She sent me a message on FurBook  
Telling me you and I's stories helped her get better  
Do you want to talk to her?

I would love to just give her the best hug of her life

That can be arranged  
God Nick  
I didnt think you would be that caring

Rape is the worst thing that could happen to anyone  
Of course Ill care for the poor victims  
Besides  
She is such a cutie  
Completely undeserving of such horrible treatment  
If I ever find out who the guy is  
Hes fucking done

Dont actually kill him without me tho

Ill try to control myself  
Rapists just anger me so fucking much

Thats because youre a great guy  
And I love you ♥

Love you too ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rape is a terrible, terrible thing, and every victim has my entire and undivided support.


	23. Chapter 23

**08:14**

Carrots  
I never arrive at the precinct before you  
Whats wrong

My head hurts like hell  
My legs are weak  
And its cold

Coming to your place after rollcall  
Do you have cold medicine?

Think I ran out

Kay  
Ill swing by the chemist

Dont forget my coffee plz

Dont worry your fuzzy butt about it

Thanks nick  
Youre the best ♥

**08:35**

Comin' now

**09:47**

Still cant believe youd do that

Do what

Risk your job just to help me relax

This smell on my fingers is worth it  
Now you get some rest

This pillow smells amazing

Yep  
Youre loopy  
Go to sleep

Nick im horny again

GODDAMMIT CARROTS

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, being sick really **does** suck all of the majorest balls.
> 
> Good thing friends are always there for you.
> 
> (P.S. Check the notes at the beginning of chapter one for a lil' annoucement.)


	24. Chapter 24

**22:22**

Hey carrots

Yeah

Im in need of some fluffy butt

Again?

Plz

Nick  
Im exhausted  
Not today

Come on  
A picture?

Ugh  
Fine  
But on one condition

Shoot

If you come up with a poem about us within 5 minutes  
You get a picture of my butt

Deal  
Prepare that camera

**22:27**

Ding ding

Yup  
I got it

Well go ahead  
Im ready

Okay here I go  
Ahem  
Once upon a time, this sly fox was hustling along  
Making two hundred bucks a day without using his dong  
Which is quite an accomplishment in this big city  
Where many females arent afraid to sell their pussy

Thats one slap across the face

Wait wait its not done  
But then into the unsuspecting vulpine  
Ran the most determined and adorable lapine  
Who also just somehow happened to be  
The first bunny officer in the ZPD  
And then the rabbit took him for the craziest ride  
After which they saved the world, hitting their stride  
Then they decided they didnt care what the world would think  
If they knew a fox put his giant knob in a bunnys pink  
Fin  
Thatll be one picture of your butt plz

I can not fucking believe you actually managed to do this  
That was brilliant  
How did you do that

Aha  
Thats a secret

Dammit nick  
Well  
A deals a deal  
But im pretty sure you deserve a little bonus

Oh boy oh boy oh boy

(Picture of Judy's butt. She's not wearing pants, nor underwear.)

My god your butt is the hottest  
Thanks carrots ♥

♥ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, I love the idea of Nick being so good with words that he can come up with poems almost on the spot.
> 
> (also those things are way too sexual i need medical attention)


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  
> 
> **  
> __  
>  SPOILER ALERT  
>    
>  **  
> 
> 
> This chapter heavily references "Ferris Wheel" by PartOfAWhole (or as I like to call him, "KindOfAnAsswhole"). Go read it if you haven't already, before reading this one. But promise me you won't kill yourself from how angsty it is.
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7665820/chapters/17456041
> 
> With that said, those who did read it and didn't throw themselves off a cliff, enjoy.

**02:56**

Judy

Nick  
Its almost 3 am  
What is it

I just had the worst nightmare

I just realized you called me judy  
Tell me everything

Shit  
Where to start  
It was horrible

Take your time  
Sleep can wait

Thanks  
So  
Short version  
I did a very very bad thing  
And then my life took a one-way trip to hell

What did you do?

I killed

Nick  
I know its hard  
But thats part of your duty

No judy  
You dont understand  
It was an unarmed citizen

Oh  
Right

Then I got fired  
Then you hated me  
Then I went to jail  
Then you still hated me

Nick stop

Its just  
What if that actually happened

Nick  
Ive told you before  
Youre a good mammal at heart  
That was just a bad dream  
Real life nick is kind and caring  
He would never do that

But  
I cant help but think about what if it did happen

Nick  
It wont happen  
Because no matter what anyone says  
You are a good mammal  
And here I am repeating myself

Thanks carrots

Always here for you partner  
Now ill go back to sleep  
See ya later nick

See ya ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, "Ferris Wheel" was made by ~~KindOfAnAsswhole~~ PartOfAWhole, give that guy the love he deserves.


	26. Chapter 26

**01:13**

Nick

Whats wrong

How did you know

You never text me later than midnight unless something is wrong

True  
But nothings exactly wrong

Then good night

No nick wait!

Whats wrong

Nothings wrong

Then good night

NICK

Okay okay geez rabbit  
Im only fucking around  
Whats up

Ugh  
Dumb fox  
I just had the weirdest damn dream

So it wasnt a nightmare?

It wasnt that scary  
But it was certainly weird

Fire away

Well  
Basically  
I was a mother  
The father was a delightful rabbit  
And I was okay with it  
As in  
It didnt seem you existed

Ah

We were a happy couple  
With four bunny children  
They were so cute btw  
I was cradling one in my arms  
It was so adorable

Heh

But then theres a knock at the door of the apartment  
I go to open it still holding the little bunny baby  
And when I do  
I see you

What?

You were behind the door  
You had knocked  
And I didnt recognize you

What are you talking about  
That is the scariest nightmare you must have ever had

Wait wait  
And then you just say  
'I'm the father'

Oh my god

I feel the baby starting to shake  
And it was a little baby fox  
Waving his arms around  
Claws out  
Crying  
Then I woke up

Holy shit carrots  
How many chocolate bars did you eat before going to bed

What?  
None  
Why

Ill explain that when im not trying to make sense of what you just told me  
Because holy fuck  
That was one crazyass dream

Im just as confused as you are

Do you remember the rabbit?

Yeah  
It was noone I recognize

Was it like  
The ideal and perfect rabbit for you?

Dont think so  
Also  
Youre the one whos ideal and perfect for me ♥

Appreciated ♥  
But holy fucking shit what a fuckstorm

Ikr  
I have no idea what it means  
And im getting more and more confused the more I think about it

You need a hug  
Im coming over

Thanks nick  
Youre the best ♥

Anything for my cute drug-induced-nightmare-having fluffbutt partner ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by "It's Unconventional" by the incredible DreamerInTheMist.
> 
> I don't believe I need to tell you to go read it, considering you've probably already done so.
> 
> I'm not gonna bother pasting the URL either. CBA. For the same reason.
> 
> (EDIT 9 of november: Fic deleted. RIP.)
> 
> Also I think that, since this is the second chapter about a nightmare that is inspired by the plot from another fic, I'll make a mini series, and I'll call it... uh... "Ficmares"? "Nightfictions"? 
> 
> ...
> 
> I'll call it nothing. It will be an unnamed mini-series.


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Graphic imagery. Most of it is left up to your imagination (or the internet), but it's still kinda mature-ish.

**21:18**

Hey carrots

Yeah

(Picture. It's a drawing of Judy and Bogo, engaged in... very private matters.)

OH MY FUCKING GOD NICK

Look at you  
Going all elastic

NICK STOP I SWEAR TO GOD  
WHY WOULD YOU SHOW ME THAT  
ILL BE AWKWARD AROUND BOGO FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE

I think youll be fine  
I mean  
Just look at yourself go

NICK  
FUCKING  
STOP

If it makes you feel any better  
Know that im not safe either  
(Drawing of Nick and Bogo, engaged in... just as private matters.)

Holy fucking god  
Whats wrong with these mammals

Welcome to the internet  
Also  
(Drawing of Judy, nude... the artist added something 'extra' to her anatomy.)

Nick for the love of god stop it

Jude the Dude

NICK

Id still do tbh

I appreciate it  
But please  
For the love of everything that is holy  
And everything that isnt  
Stop  
I beg you

Alright  
Heres something softer  
(Drawing of Nick and Judy, naked, cuddling in a bed.)

Whoa  
Thats photorealistic

Ikr  
Its like they were watching us sleep

Thanks nick  
Now I wont be able to fall asleep without a shotgun under my pillow

Assuming you dont already, farmgirl

Thats offensive for a number of reasons in a very concise way

Eh  
Its true sometimes

Whatever  
I just cant believe some mammals would make this kind of stuff  
I mean aside from the cuddle one  
That ones pretty good  
And somewhat creepy  
But seriously  
With Bogo?

Tell me about it  
Youd die

I just literally shuddered  
Its fucking horrible

Theres no telling I wouldnt enjoy it tho

Nick  
You need to stop  
Now

How big do you think he is

NICK OH MY FUCKING GOD 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No offense to fan-artists.
> 
>  
> 
> NOW.
> 
>  
> 
> This may feel like I take myself too seriously, but I still want to take the time to say it. As my brother told me literally an hour ago: "If you wanna thank people, thank 'em. And fuck the haters."
> 
> And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
> 
> I truly want to thank every single person that took the time to read, comment, even somehow kudo and bookmark it. I'm so glad you like this stupid little concept of mine. It means a lot to me to know that my little tribute to that wonderful movie is appreciated by others.
> 
> So truly and sincerely, thank you.
> 
> I love you all. ♥
> 
>  
> 
> **  
>   
>  _Rest assured, this isn't over, there's still fluff that needs writin'._  
>    
>  **
> 
> (also, extra internet points for those who recognize the sneaky reference in this chapter)


	28. Chapter 28

**00:00**

Happy birthday Carrots  
♥

Aww nick  
The very first second  
Thats so thoughtful of you ♥

Anything for my little dumb bunny  
And heres your first gift  
Bogo gave us the day off

Oh my god nick  
How

I just asked him  
Hes kinder than he looks  
As shocking as that may seem

Thats incredible  
Thank you so much  
♥

He did say that the paperwork would only stack up  
And that we will still have to fill it out

Thats fine  
You know how good I am with my pen

Yep  
The pen that changed my life  
Isnt that weird to think about

I say it makes for a super amazing story  
Im surprised noone made it into a movie yet

I just had the weirdest feeling

About what?

I dont know  
I just kinda shuddered when you mentioned a movie about us  
No idea why

Really?

Yeah

Weird

Anyway  
Today is your birthday  
And today is the day that becomes the best day of your life until next year  
So sleep tight  
And hit me up in the morning when youre ready  
I have a bunch of shit planned  
And youre gonna love it

Can we start the day right now?  
I really dont feel like sleeping now

Carrots  
Get some rest  
So you wont be a zombie for the entire day  
Because I really want you to enjoy this day to the max

I guess youre right  
Okay  
Ill try to sleep through the excitement  
See ya ♥

G'nite ♥

**05:58**

Ding ding

Jesus girl  
I knew you were a morning mammal  
But goddamn

I can barely stop myself from bouncing everywhere

Alright alright  
Im coming  
Try not to fall through the floor  
Punch through a wall into your neighbors more-than-deserving face  
Or jump through the ceiling

Ill be fine if you hurry up

Be right there  
See ya in a bit

Hurryyy

**23:59**

So?  
Did you have a nice birthday?

Why are you texting me  
Im literally snuggled up against your sweet fucking chest fluff

Did you?

Yes  
Yes I did

Im glad you enjoyed

Now stop texting me and kiss me again  
You big dumb fox ♥

Your wish is my command ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aww yeah, right when I thought I had no inspiration for any more fluff.
> 
> Stupidly sweet, too. Yisssssssssssssss
> 
>  
> 
> ~~I have to say, that last part was really hard to adapt in a texting format, but I think I nailed it~~
> 
> Also, what do you think they did that day? I'm curious what you guys can come up with. >:3


	29. Chapter 29

**20:02**

Hey nick

Sup

I found another song for us  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Sooner or Later, by Mat Kearney]**

Wow  
That song is beautiful

And it really fits us  
Dont you think?

Yes it does  
Its a song about being determined  
Anything thats about being determined fits us  
Well  
More you than me

Oh come on  
You played a big damn part in your reformation

Lets be serious  
Not as much as you  
Also  
My theme song is this one  
[link to ZooTube]

**[Walk Away, by Tom Waits]**

Nick  
Remember that I love you

Would never forget that even if some reason I tried to  
Why do you say that

I think theres a meaning to this song for you that I think I wont ever fully grasp  
But the best I know I can do  
Is tell you I love you

Thats still pretty impressive for such a dumb bunny

Nick  
Come on  
Im opening my heart to you right now

Alright im sorry  
I appreciate it Carrots  
And I love you too ♥

♥  
Btw  
That guys voice is weirdly amazing

Ikr

Reminds me  
[link to ZooTube]

**[I'm Your Man, by Leonard Cohen]**

Omg  
That is one incredibleass voice

Best voice ever  
Why do you never go that deep

I do though  
Balls deep every time

NICK  
REALLY

What

You are the worst

Dont lie to me  
You know you love it

Nick  
We were having a interesting conversation about voices  
And then you go and make me horny

It doesnt seem to take much

I hope youre not calling me a slut

No  
Never  
I swear  
Carrots  
Please dont be mad  
I didnt want to sound that bad

Its fine  
Listen to yourself  
I can feel you tense up all the way from over here

Har har

Im still horny tho

Should I come over?

Aaaaall over  
>:3

Damn carrots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this started off as a promising-looking music-talk, but I was inspired to make it take another turn.
> 
> These things are still too sexual. **I need medical attention.**
> 
> That doesn't make the few songs featured less awesome. So still check them out.
> 
> (LEONARD COHEN I DREAM OF HAVING YOU SING A LULLABY TO ME THAT'S HOW INCREDIBLE YOUR VOICE IS PLEASE DON'T EVER LEAVE US)


	30. Chapter 30

**22:22**

Hey carrots

Hey

Finns birthday is in two days

Oooh  
How old is he turning

35

What?!

I know I know  
He still looks like a kit  
Aside from those bags under his eyes  
And that smell of smoke  
But yeah  
Hes 3 years older than me

Wow

Just  
Dont say anything about that to him

What  
About his age?

No  
About him looking like a kit

Oh

He kinda reacts to it the way a bunny would react to being called cute

Understandable

Anyway  
Could you help me with the preparations?  
I have the best plan for him

Aww nick  
Youre just so sweet

Its just that  
I feel like ive been neglecting the poor guy  
So ill try to make it up to him

Youll manage that no problem

Heh  
You obviously dont know finn like I do

What do you mean?

He still kinda hasnt forgiven me for that one time where I kissed him on the forehead

Oh  
Right

Yeah  
That tells you just what type of mammal he is  
But hes been my best friend for years  
So ill make his b-day awesome

'Has been'?

Well yeah  
You kinda replaced him  
That was a horrible thing to say  
Dont ever tell him I said that

Dont worry  
I know what you meant  
And no offense to you  
But finn was probably your only real friend for a looong time

What about flash

He doesnt count as a mammal  
Sloths arent mammals  
Theyre entities that were born to annoy the living shit out of every mammal

Thats so incredibly speciest of you to say

I hate having anything to do with sloths  
So again for that time at the DMV  
Fuck you

Finn  
What are you doing with Carrots' phone  
Only you can be so spiteful

ANYWAY  
Yes ill help you plan finns birthday

Thanks carrots ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I felt kinda bad for Finnick after writing that first chapter for "Musings".
> 
> So I made this.
> 
> I hope you enjoyed.


	31. Chapter 31

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have another headcanon. That headcanon is what this chapter is about. 
> 
> Apologies to the ones who will know who they are.

**20:16**

Carrots

Yeah

Guess how old jack is

What?

Come on  
Guess

I never asked him  
Wow  
Thats weird  
But hes somewhere around our age right?

Give me some numbers

27

Older

30

Older

40?

39

Youre kidding me

Thats what he told me  
Didnt believe him either  
And I think he has gotten that reaction before  
Because I didnt even have time to go 'what the fuck'  
He already pulled out his id card  
Hes from 1979

Holy fuck  
How is that possible  
He looks like hes my age

Thats also what I said  
But then he was just like  
'Why would I lie about it?'

True  
But still  
What a mindfuck

On that subject  
I think I know why hes so experienced in bed

Omg  
Makes so much sense

Remember last time?

Dont even remind me  
I melt every time I think about it

**A few seconds pass...**

Carrots

I know  
Me too  
Calling him right now

We have spent way too much time together

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT, THE APOLOGIES GO TO THE JACK HATERS.
> 
> So. Sorry, Jack haters.
> 
> **Striped bunny spy FTW.**


	32. Chapter 32

**22:36**

Hey Nick

Hey carrots  
How are you feeling

Im so unbelievably bored  
I cant sleep  
I have done nothing but that the entire day  
And everything on tv sucks  
Help

Well now you know you shouldnt take on a raging wolf

Nick  
I wouldve had him  
How could I have known he had a taser

About that  
You got very lucky that the thing was set low enough

Yeah  
Any higher and I would probably be nothing more than a smoldering mass of bunny meat

Carrots  
Dont give me that mental image

Hehe

Judy  
Dont ever do that to me again

Nick  
Im sorry

I dont know what I would do without you

Oh nick

Oh wait  
Actually I do know  
First thing I would do  
Is kill myself

Nick  
No  
Dont say that

Judy  
I dont think you understand  
The only way I imagine living without you is buried in sadness and longing

Well good thing im still kickin'  
The world wont get rid of me so easily  
So come on and stop moping around  
Im the one whos in the hospital here  
(Picture of Judy, in her hospital bed.)  
(She has a big smile on her face, her fist brought up, her eyebrows furrowed.)  
Im Judy fucking Hopps  
And im not ready to die!  
What about you, Partner?

Im Nick fucking Wilde  
And I love you so fucking much

♥

**A few seconds pass...**

Im still bored shitless tho

Alright  
Im bringing you Judy Junior

Visiting hours were over hours ago

Im a cop, remember?  
Also  
Judy Junior smells like me~

Gimmegimmegimme

Thought so  
Be right there

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I was somewhat inspired to write this one by MisterMead's "Judy is Dead" AU. (even if things are starting to look up in that goddamn shitstorm of a comic that I adore)
> 
> (Thanks to Lunarsilver for the extra inspiration!)


	33. Chapter 33

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: There's Jack in this one.
> 
> ...I don't know, seems like a fair warning, in this minefield of a fandom.
> 
> (jk i love this fandom to death ♥)
> 
> Anyway, to the ones who are willing to put up with the fact that Jack exists, read on and enjoy!

**01:02**

Carrots

**01:05**

Carrots?

Hey there, Nick.  
It's Jack.

What  
Are you sleeping with judy  
You basterd  
You said you loved me

I do, though.  
I just still need to decide which one of you I love the most.  
;)

Alright  
Time to step up my game then  
But in the meantime  
Is judy awake?

(Picture of Jack and Judy, in bed. Judy's asleep, and Jack is giving a small smile to the camera.)  
She's adorable when she sleeps.

Agreed

Is there something you needed to ask her?  
I can wake her up if you need.

No no its fine

Nick, something's troubling you, I can tell.

Cant hide shit from you can I

I've always been skilled at reading people.  
And your two “no's” sufficed to make your unease apparent.

Will keep that in mind  
But yeah  
I just had a nightmare again

Again?

Yeah  
Ive had that specific nightmare before  
Ive already told carrots about it

Well fire away.  
It always helps to talk about it.

Short version  
I did a very very bad thing and went to jail  
And she hated me

I see.  
And what did Judy say?

She said that I would never actually do what the nightmare showed me

Why?

Cuz she said im a good mammal at heart

And do you believe that too?

I try my best

Stop doubting yourself because of a stupid nightmare.  
You're a good mammal.  
I truly believe that.  
With all the stories I heard about you, there's no way you'd ever be anything else.

Thanks jack  
I really appreciate it

**A few seconds pass...**

Hey jack  
Can you do me a favor?

To the best of my current abilities.

Can you scratch carrots behind the left ear  
And take a picture of the face shell make?  
Its the cutest ever

**A couple more seconds...**

(Picture of Judy; eyes closed, Jack's paw scratching behind her ear, a sleepy, content smile on her face.)

Oh my god look at that face  
Shes so unbelievably adorable  
Thanks a bunch

That's a trick I never knew of.  
Will remember that.

Now that I have my dose of cute bunny  
Ill go back to sleep  
Thanks for listening jack

Anytime, Nick.

Also  
Do me another favor  
And delete this conversation

Why?  
I think Judy would love to know how I'm able to read you like an open book.

Jack  
Plz

Don't worry, I'll delete it.  
It's really a shame.

Shell just rub it in my face all day  
And aside from her little butt or little pink nose  
I dont want anything up in my face at any point without my consent

Makes sense.  
Now I'll go to sleep as well.

G'nite and thanks again  
♥

Anytime.  
Sleep well.  
♥ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HEADCANON: Jack types very cleanly and neatly.
> 
> Also, thank you guys for 200 kudos! **_EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE_**


	34. Chapter 34

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This one has a lot of hateful things about our heroes in it. I saw Kimmel's "Mean Tweets" series yesterday, and I loved it, and inspiration struck.
> 
> So yeah. Fair warning, it gets quite graphic at one point. Also language.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

**22:45**

Hey carrots

Hey

'That fox cop should stop poking his nose where it doesnt belong and go back to cleaning shit off with that filthy toilet brush of a tail'

Whoa

Best one in a while

What do you mean 'in a while'?

Some mammals on twitter hate us  
And they get just so creatively mean

Yep  
That one is pretty creative

But its far from being the only one

I should have known

'Judy hopps is the kind of bunny I wouldnt be surprised fucks her own brothers'

What a tool  
'I wouldnt be surpriiised look at me my opinion matters more than anyone elses'

Ikr  
So douchy

But there has to be better stuff out there about me  
That one affects basically any mammal from the countryside

Are you sure you want me to show you?

You know I can take it

Yeah I guess so  
But dont say I didnt warn you

Dont worry about it

Alright  
Let me find some good ones  
'Oh my god judy hopps is so annoying like I want to rip her ears off and shove them up her vag until they block her throat like shut the fuck up already'

Holy shit  
Thats graphic  
But it needs better grammar  
Another one

I think youre enjoying this a bit too much

These mammals' assholery makes me feel good about myself

Makes sense

Another one, come on

Hmm  
'judy hopps is a predchasing slut'

Thats it?

Eh  
What can I say

What even is 'predchasing'

Prey in predator-prey relationships  
i.e. you

I didnt know it was so much of a thing that it had a name  
Anyway  
Too short  
Another one

Jesus girl  
How far are you willing to go

Only one way to find out

Alright  
Okay  
Found one  
You better brace yourself

Shoot

'judy hopps is ugly'

Nick come on  
I really thought it was gonna be good

I disagree  
I think this person did the right thing by getting straight to the point  
No extra wording  
No bullshit  
Thats a person who knows their way with words

You made it up on the spot didnt you

Yep

Goddammit nick

Oh shit  
I found one about the two of us  
This one means business  
Get ready

If this is another trick

Its not  
I almost wish it was

Well fire away

'Judy Hopps and Nick Wilde are the apex of everything wrong in this world. A dirty farmer and an average fox, the public faces of the fucking Zootopia Police Department? No wonder this city is fucked. I want to move to the sun.'

That ending  
My sides  
I need to lie down

Ikr  
It went from 'meh' to 'HOLY SHIT' at the speed of fucking light

Holy crap  
Thats amazing

Yeah  
Anyway  
Ill go hang myself now

Alright  
See you in hell  
Bye ♥

Bye ♥


	35. Chapter 35

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FIRST OF ALL, sorry this took ages. ...I didn't think I'd ever be in the place of someone explaining a delay with the creation of a certain project with the classic "School/Work/University got in the way"... but it's what happened. University happened, so inspiration kinda dried up. So, sorry about that.
> 
> Second of all... There is no second. 'First of all' is a good way to begin a sentence.
> 
> IN ANY CASE, I'M BACK WITH ANOTHER LIL SNIPPET FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE. I HOPE YOU ENJOY.

**00:04**

Hey Nick

Whats up

Do you like wine?

Uh  
Yeah  
I mean  
It depends  
Why

Do you like wine that has an fruity aroma?

Yes  
The best kind of wine is the fruity wine

Do you like wine with a aroma of chocolate?

I didnt even know that existed

What about butter?

What?

And cinnamon?

Carrots

I dont think carrots taste like anything other than water

Judy stop

What about liquorice?

Judy  
Stop

What about hay?  
Fern?  
Flint?  
Leather?  
Fur?

JUDY  
STOP  
WHATS GOTTEN INTO YOU

Too many different wines  
I just cant believe some of the ones I tasted

You went to a wine tasting session?!

My parents invited me

Oh  
Right  
Btw  
Are those last ones for real?

Absolutely  
That guy said that some existed that had those aromas

Fur sounds fucking disgusting

Ikr  
Good thing I have this cough syrup to make me forget

Ugh Carrots

Btw  
Whats your favorite drink

How can you even ask that

Of course  
Blueberry liquor  
How could I forget

There you go  
Hmm  
Could go for some right now

Hang on  
Im coming over  
I wanna try that

Stay away from my darling bottle of Purple Power

Im gonna try it  
Just because thats what its called

Fine  
Just hurry up and get over here

**08:45**

Carrots  
Are you alive

Do you think its too late to call bogo and ask for the day off  
Im so fucking hung over right now

Goddammit carrots

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: I didn't make any of those wine aromas up.
> 
> ~~I really hope this isn't too disappointing.~~


	36. Chapter 36

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just as a little heads-up, this one covers the subject of plastic surgery.
> 
> Enjoy, and please tell me what your opinion is on that subject!
> 
> (also sorry its a lil bit short)

**21:47**

Hey carrots

Hey nick

(Picture of a lioness. She's wearing a long red dress, with a... particularly visible cleavage.)

Holy crap

Ikr  
Just look at those knockers  
Have to be made of fucking helium balloons

Indeed not the best job ive seen at keeping it discrete

Discrete or not plastic surgery is dumb  
I mean  
Breast implants for ladies with breast cancer is fine  
But this is just downright gross

I can understand why youd say that  
But personally  
I dont see anything wrong with wanting to look a certain way

I guess youre right  
But we should still draw the line at 'looks like a cheap 2 dollar blowup doll'  
Besides its not even pretty  
Let alone sexy

Some mammals like it

Personally I wouldnt want your delicate bunny nips to taste of rubber

Youre so dumb  
Besides  
My boobs are great the way they are

Thats what im saying  
Please dont go and ruin your body with plastic airsacks

Dont worry  
Im staying natural all my life  
Just for my dumb fox ♥

Love ya carrots ♥

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to ~~like, comment and subscribe~~ give me your opinion!


	37. Chapter 37

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** _SPOILER ALERT_ **
> 
> This one heavily references "Prison", by KindOfAnAsswhole (or as he likes to think his name is, PartOfAWhole), a one-shot continuation of his fic "Ferris Wheel", so **go read them both before reading this, plz.**
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/series/571750
> 
> ANGSTY. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.
> 
>  
> 
> On a lighter note, this one also includes some pictures that will be found in the ending notes in order of appearance in the chapter.
> 
> Please enjoy!

**02:36**

Carrots  
Sorry for waking you up

Since when do you assume I go to sleep on weekends off

Heh

So  
Another nightmare huh?

Cant even begin to imagine how you guessed it

You need to stop drinking before going to bed  
In any case  
Tell me everything

It was extra weird this time  
Quick recap  
I was in that jail from the other nightmares  
I got a blowjob from another fox

Whoa

The weird thing is that it felt very real

Did you wash your paws

Har har  
Then I got out of there  
And you still hated me  
And then I have a car crash  
I feel myself flying  
Then I wake up falling off my bed

Did you hurt yourself?

No im fine  
Thanks for asking  
But these nightmares are starting to scare me  
Like  
For real

Aww nick

Why do I keep having the same one  
And why does it have a part two

(Picture of a blueberry pie.)

Oh  
My  
God  
Want

(Picture of small blueberry pastries.)

Wow

(Picture of a blueberry cake.)

Oh my fucking god

Feeling better yet?

Im more than fully erect for that last one  
Also Im so hungry now

You know what  
Im coming over right now  
Prepare a pan and the blueberry jam  
Imma make us some pancakes

Carrots  
You are the fucking best

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PASTRIES!!!
> 
> Here are those links:
> 
> http://gracessweetlife.com/2012/08/blueberry-mascarpone-tart-with-lemon-curd/
> 
> https://invegetableswetrust.com/2013/03/09/blueberry-almond-breakfast-pastries/
> 
> https://cafehops.com/product/blueberry-cake/
> 
> (BTW this is NOT advertising in any way, I'm just showing pictures of cakes for the sake of showing pictures of cakes ~~please dont sue~~ )
> 
> I'm hungry now.
> 
> Sure wish I had more of that cinnamon blueberry cake my mother made us a couple days ago.
> 
> Also, special shoutout to PartOfAWhole, for causing the sleepless night that spawned this one! **I ~~fucking hate~~ love you.**


	38. Chapter 38

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one is set after the... *ahem* ... _events_ of "Telephonic Disruptions", my first and hopefully only ~~snootboopfic~~ smutfic.
> 
> AGAIN, WARNING, EXPLICIT CONTENT.
> 
> http://archiveofourown.org/works/7659136/chapters/17440000
> 
> This here chapter is safe, doe.
> 
> Enjoy, you shipper sickos.
> 
> ~~JudyJackNick otp fuck everything else heheheheheheheheheheheheheheh~~

**20:25**

Oh my god Nick

Whats wrong?

My parents just called me

Considering your reaction  
I assume they didnt have anything good to say

Its not that

Then what is it  
Im curious now

Its about yesterday evening

Oshit

Precisely

What did they say

They wanted to know exactly what happened and why I hung up so abruptly

And what did you come up with?

Would you believe me if I told you I dont even know

Yes I would  
There was no way you could have any idea for a fake scenario they would believe

Exactly  
Thats the problem

You told them, didnt you

Im so sorry  
I didnt know what I was thinking  
There was so much happening in my head  
The words just came out  
I couldnt stop them  
Im so so so sorry  
Please dont be mad

Carrots  
Its fine  
They were gonna find out anyway  
Parents know this kind of shit  
Might as well be now

Youre not mad?

Nah

Really?

Really  
And now that I look back on it  
I honestly kinda consider it the point of the whole thing

You did tell me to pick up

Thats goddamn right ♥

Hey Nick  
Its all your fault

That is also right ♥

Hey Nick

Yes my love?

Fuck you 


	39. Chapter 39

**21:30**

Hey carrots

Hey  
Whats up

Have you seen this?  
(Link to a FurBook page.)  
(It's the page for “The Hopps and Wilde Fanclub”.)

Yes I have  
It makes me so happy  
To think that we have inspired actual fans

I only just found it  
I cant believe you never told me  
But at the same time  
Im not surprised  
After all  
I am incredibly awesome

Whoa there Slick Nick  
Lets not forget just thanks to who youre where youre at

Youre right  
Ill drop by Jumbeaux's tomorrow to give him my thanks

Youre so dumb  
Also  
Did you see they also have a Discord?

A whatnow?

Its a voice chatting app  
Ive been there a couple times  
They are all very nice mammals

Let me give that shit a burl

**A few minutes pass...**

That is awesome  
These guys are cool

Right?

They could not believe it was me tho

Haha!  
Yeah  
Happened to me too

But some of them have crazy names  
Like this guy  
“May Belle Whether or Not”

Hehe

Or that guy  
“Nick's Shame”  
How did they KNOW

I really like “HPLurvkriff”  
Sounds like a old school author

And then theres this guy  
“Def Initely”  
Take a word  
Split it at a random spot  
“oh thats a cool name”

It probably has a story

Probably a dumb one

Youre mean

In any case  
This made me feel like going out there and conquer the world

Well whats stopping you

This bed is really comfy  
But I cant help but feel like somethings missing  
Can you help me

Hm  
I wonder  
Hang on  
Im coming over to help you think

Thanks carrots  
♥

♥ 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Zootopia discord is a thing! Head on up to the Zootopia subreddit, link's on there!
> 
> https://www.reddit.com/r/zootopia/
> 
> Just as a heads-up, you might OD from the !buns.
> 
> (names were chosen because they were fitting, i have no favorites aside from hhike ~~and even then hes my least favorite~~ )


	40. Chapter 40

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Judy's starting in the military.

**7:24**

Hey

Hey nick

Does this really mean no more snuggles?

Not until I get back

Carrots  
You dont understand  
Thats 5 months  
I cant go 5 months without snuggles

You know I dont mind, Nick  
Theres plenty of vixens in Zootopia  
And plenty of snuggles to be had

But  
But  
Its not the same without the floppy ears

Nick, stop  
Youre making me want to snuggle

*gasp*  
Youre putting your career before me  
How dares you  
Im so offended  
I need a bridge, a soda, sunglasses and a lawnchair  
You dont happen to know where i can find a junior ZPD officer stickybadge that I can crumple because of how offended i am, right

Stop it, you idiot  
Im giggling to myself  
And theyre all staring at me

Theyre right  
Youre beautiful

Nick  
I promise you  
Ill come back  
Safe and sound

With the ears?

And the pink nose

And the bushtail?

All of it  
I promise you

If anyone even talks to you the wrong way  
Give em the ol' one-two

Promised  
Oh  
Theyre making us board now  
Bye Nick

Text me as soon as you land

Promised, dumb fox

Bye sly bunny  
Love you <3

Love you too, bye <3

**THE END**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So.
> 
> There it is. 
> 
> After many months of having a thought lingering in the back of my head ("I should bring that thing to an actual end."), here it is: the last installment of this collection of Texts! Thank you to everybody who took the time to read, kudo, bookmark and even maybe enjoy it. I have to admit it's been a lot of fun, but now I must admit that my enthusiasm for Zootopia, masterpiece that it is, has reached a "below-fic-writing-worthy" state for me, and with it, my inspiration has dried up. 
> 
> I won't be gone forever, I probably won't be making any more Zootopia fics, and if for some reason you'd like to stay in touch, say so in the comments!
> 
> Thanks again, and have a good one!


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